Dumbing of Age Timeline

Week One
Sunday 1	This Campus Is A Friggin' Escher Print (Book One) Move-In Day Joyce moves in, Becky is going to Anderson; first appearance: Becky, Joyce "If you needed Internet when I was here, you had to leave your room, walk the hall, get an elevator, go into the lobby, and invent the Internet."; First appearance: Hank Brown Billie and Walky check in, Billie is a known alcoholic; first appearance: Billie, Asma, Walky Joyce is going to have so much fun becoming a woman; first appearance: Carol Brown, Haruka Saruyama, Dina, Ryou Saruyama, Mike, Charles Walkerton, Linda Walkerton Sal was sent away to Catholic school; first appearance: Sal, Amber "Just don't let anyone change you, okay?"; first appearance: Dorothy, Danny Dorothy may be having problems with Danny being a clingy wuss; first appearance: Joe Joyce meets her roommate; first appearance: Sarah Sarah's stoner former roommate almost cost her her scholarships Joyce is the best-socialized of her whole homeschool group Joyce and Sarah meet their new RA; first appearance: Ruth Joyce needs her femurs to live Joyce, Dorothy, and Dina show up for the floor meeting, Ruth is out stalking hooky-players Billie picks a fight with Ruth; first appearance: Agatha, Mary, Rachel, Roz Ruth throws Billie; first appearance: Mandy FAAACE! Dorothy seeks Ruth's advice about Danny Sal's Avalon uniforms have moved in Billie tries to exploit her assets; first appearance: Tony Dorothy and Danny talk Dorothy dumps Danny, 7:30, right on schedule Danny gets attacked; first appearance: Beef Amazi-Girl rescues Danny; first appearance: Amazi-Girl
Monday 1	Uphill From Here Joyce doesn't like shared showers Billie, Walky, Mike, and Joyce meet on the way to math Sal makes her entrance Sal held up two convenience stores Raidah confronts Sarah at lunch; first appearance: Raidah Dorothy sits with Sarah at lunch Walky draws Jason being eaten by a dinosaur on his math notes Jason collects the math notes; first appearance: Jason, first non-appearance: Professor Rees Sal is basically Batman Walky's here because his mom made him, Joyce is after her MRS Gender Studies Walky meets Dorothy Joyce and Walky see Dorothy's D&MM folder; first appearance: Dexter and Monkey Master Walky throws Monkey Master at Dorothy's head Leslie arrives, bearing wisdom and awesomeness; first appearance: Leslie Amber killing spiders; first appearance: Ethan Dina is hiding behind the door Dorothy is concerned about Danny in the aftermath of dumping him Walky recovers the power of speech after Dorothy leaves, title drop Mike drags Amber away from killing spiders Dorothy retrieves Monkey Master
Tuesday 1	Men are from Beck, Women are from Clark Joe rousts Danny out of his depression bed Walky runs into Billie, but then spots Dorothy and blows off Billie's protesting that she doesn't want to talk to him to trail after Dotty like a mindless zombie Joe and Danny meet Joyce and Sarah Joe asks Joyce out Danny doesn't ask Sarah out Walky is in denial about his heterosexuality Ruth vs. Billie, Round Two Ruth is holding Billie's cheerleader uniform hostage for her roommate agreement Billie focuses better after a couple shots Joyce talks to Becky on the phone Becky wants to know if Sarah has replaced her in Joyce's heart Danny meets Amber; first appearance: Norville Danny thinks Amber looks familiar Amber is desperately unimpressed with Intro to Computers' content; first appearance: Alex Sarah confronts Joe With his penis. Danny doesn't ask Amber out because he's worried about accusations of racism Billie lies in wait for Sal Danny can't hook up with the one girl in CS Fifty. McNuggets. (Walky passes the Reverse Bechdel Test. Joe doesn't.) Joyce's yellow dress Joyce brought Mike as a chaperone She asked Ruth first, but Ruth is busy vandalizing Billie's cheerleader uniform, and Mike takes payment in opportunities to punch people Joyce has impure thoughts about Joe Joyce and Joe (and Mike) arrive at Galasso's Pizza (and Subs); first appearance: Galasso Joe debates Joyce about lust, earns a punch from Mike every seven seconds Conquest ambushes Joe with her boobs; first appearance: Conquest Mike decks Joe, Joyce joins in on the assault Joe and Joyce bail on the date, Mike orders a pizza Joe and Joyce storming out is made awkward by the fact that they live in the same place Joyce compliments Joe's scent so their date won't end badly Joyce was wearing her pajamas under her dress Joe returns home, bruised and unlaid; first appearance: Robo-Vac
Wednesday 1	Billie, napping, misses Sal's appearance The Bechdel Test Joyce catches up with Mike and Walky on the way to math ... then abandons them to chase after Sal Joyce wants to be cool like Sal Billie is still asleep in her chair Roz leaving Danny and Joe's room Roz recorded it Roz is a Planned Parenthood activist Billie is late, Roz leaves her a gift of condoms Ruth vs. Billie, Round Three - clothesline, Ruth took the 'S' off Billie's cheerleader uniform Billie punches Ruth in the face Dina alerts Amber to the developing fight "No prank fire alarms." Amazi-Girl to the rescue! Amazi-Girl's bones were rendered super-dense in a lab accident. Mike, Walky, and Joyce leaving math, Mike stashes his book in Walky's backpack Billie is too late to catch Sal after math Gender Studies after the Joe/Joyce date Joyce discovers that Joe banged Roz Dorothy sits by Walky, Walky's brain vibrates out Favorite movies and the Bechdel Test Billie tries to get a job at the newspaper; first appearance: Daisy Billie wants to do an exposé on Ruth, but Daisy isn't having it Billie spots Amazi-Girl lurking in the bushes Joyce discovers that Dorothy is an atheist Amber meets Ethan and Mike for lunch Ethan ruined Amber's prom night by being gay Dorothy offers to trade companions with Amber Joyce meets Ethan Walky discovers why Ethan doesn't room with Mike Joyce has fixated her marriage plans on Ethan already
Thursday 1	Media Rumble Billie wakes up in front of the door Joyce shares the half-bath with Billie Billie meets Sarah Sarah does not approve of Billie's weekend plans "You're a good kid, Joyce. I'll be sad when this world breaks you." The DeSanto video Joe is the retardo, Dorothy admits to recognizing him Dorothy is assigned the DeSanto story Dorothy wanted the Amazi-Girl story, Daisy might be a lesbian Billie gets the Amazi-Girl story Danny death stares Roz, Sarah snarks at him Danny goes to confront Roz, somehow ends up with an autographed condom Amber is saving the seat next to her for... someone else; first appearance: Buckets of Blood Guy Amber requires Danny's butt Amber wants to make sure Danny's not gay, because she keeps dating all these gay dudes, Danny is a brony Dina gets Walky's "math notes" Dorothy interviews Joe Danny brings Amber back to the room, they meet Dorothy and Joe Amazi-Girl discussion causes Amber to run away Joe is the worst wingman ever Danny liked Amber because she reminded him of Dorothy Walky does not share a telepathic link with Sal Dorothy tells Billie about Danny's Amazi-Girl sighting Billie stashes Dorothy in Walky's room so she can tail Ruth Dorothy tries to talk to Walky Walky manages to loan Dorothy a Head Alien comic before his brain boils over Dorothy is such a liar Mary should be dressed by 3 PM Billie lures Ruth out of her room, sneaks in Billie recovers her cheer uniform, Ruth's phone ringing (Enter Sandman) causes her to return, Billie hides in the closet Billie eavesdrops on Ruth's phone conversation Dorothy interviews Mary (who should be dressed by 3 PM) Dorothy and Joyce make up Sarah doesn't want to make friends
Friday 1	Yesterday Was Thursday 03:27, Billie wakes up in Ruth's closet Billie comes out of the closet, takes blackmail photos, steals Ruth's booze Billie misses Sal going out the window, upsets masturbating girl with her yelling Joyce wakes Billie at 8 AM Shower buddies! Joyce has always wanted a sister, is not accustomed to diversity Billie is half-English, half-Chinese; first appearance: Sierra Joyce is Billie's best college friend; first appearance: Grace Dorothy's article on the DeSanto scandal runs Billie (with Joyce and Walky) shows up to confront Sal about the roommate agreement; first appearance: Marcie It would be weird for Sal to call her brother "Walky" Raidah drive-by sniping at Sarah; first appearance: Char Joyce pressures Sal into getting math help Jason meets Sal Sal secures tutoring Joyce has written like thirty theme songs for Sal's motorcycle Sal takes Billie for a ride Joyce and Walky have lunch together a lot for people who allegedly hate each other Amber freaked out by seeing Billie and Sal, Billie and Sal encounter Ruth Sal just walks away, Billie tips her hand regarding her blackmail material Gender Studies after Dorothy's story runs Roz doesn't quite get the answer she wants about Dorothy's story PREMARITAL HANKY-PANKY! Dorothy implies that she's not a virgin, Walky catches it Leslie walks in on a verbal brawl, is awesome Congresswoman DeSanto visits Gender Studies; first appearance: Robin, Dean McHenry, Congressional Aide Roz is causing political difficulties for Robin Robin's district Roz's reasons, Robin ran for Congress at 25 Big Boss settles it Roz is going to start kissing girls on stage if Robin drags her to her rally Leslie is totally crushing on Robin Roz requires Dorothy come to the party to get her interview, Joyce invites herself along Billie invites herself to the party, Sal's idea of a party involves five folks, a case of beer, anna Walmart parkin' lot Sarah doesn't want anyone to go to the party Roz discusses Robin with Leslie Dorothy, Joyce, Billie go to the party Billie works fast, not an Artie cameo Ron slips Joyce Sierra Mist; first appearance: Ron Jerks who harassed Danny show up at the party; Ryan chats up Joyce with Bible quoting; first appearance: Ryan Jerk gets in a background fight with random partygoer Amazi-Girl intervenes in background fight; Ryan's perfidy is revealed Dorothy interviews Roz Ryan has a drink for Joyce Brown, Queen of the Drunks! "And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light."; Joyce drinks Amber at the party, Dorothy and Billie don't know where Joyce is Joyce glasses Ryan Sarah arrives at the party, bearing a bat and Old Testament justice Billie commands a wealth of helpful knowledge pertaining to terrible and horrific things Amazi-Girl to the rescue! Ryan makes his escape while everyone's looking at Amazi-Girl Amazi-Girl goes hunting Ryan, Joyce doesn't want to report the incident because she's afraid her parents will pull her out of school Ron gives Dorothy, Sarah, Joyce, and Billie a ride home Dorothy goes to Walky's room to watch D&MM Sarah spends the night with Joyce, sisters
Saturday 1	The Cragged Shame Pits of the Lustwolves (Book Two) Pajama Jeans Walky discovers pajama jeans Amber returns to her room after being out all night Dina is not accustomed to people Amber sets Dina as an alarm clock Walky goes to Sal and Billie's room to get Billie to buy him pajama jeans, gets pantsless Sal instead Sarah tells Joyce about the events of the party (Joyce holding her wounded hand) Walky meets Dorothy outside Joyce's room Walky can stay Billie shows up for the post-party strategery meeting Sal overhears, puts in her recommendation not to involve the authorities Joyce just wants to pretend it didn't happen Dorothy suggests they do something fun to take Joyce's mind off things To the beach! Ethan and Mike at Chick-Fil-A Dina is kidnapped Joyce's first time on a bus Sal is too cool for Billie Arrival at the lake, Dorothy promises to go to church with Joyce Billie tries to hide Sal "Freshwater sharks can swim up the Ohio River into Indiana." Suggesting that Billie and Walky have a thing causes demonic possession in Billie Joyce ships Walky/Billie, Walky ships Billie/Sal (so does Billie), Dorothy's shipping Walky/herself Joyce can throw toys at Dorothy's head, too Sal is supercool Dina wins catch Billie decides to get Walky and Dorothy together Beach poster Ethan and Mike roust Amber out Ethan never wronged Amber Dina returns Dina Summary of the beach trip Ruth vs. Billie, Round Four Sal intervenes Billie concludes that Sal is Amazi-Girl (Billie is not very bright) Ruth doesn't kill Walky Joyce is not really okay with strange guys; first appearance: Completely Harmless Stranger Joyce talks to Becky on the phone, is approached by Joe at the wrong moment Joe never touched Joyce; Joyce touched Joe Mike buys Walky pajama jeans
Week Two
Sunday 2	Choosing My Religion Joyce wakes Billie for church Billie is Christian, sorta kinda Joyce doesn't buy Billie's "Sal is Amazi-Girl" theory, for obvious reasons Joyce must brush Sal's luxurious chocolate river of hair Joyce retrieves Dorothy (and Sierra) for church Agatha is a Mormon Mary insinuates herself into the party Billie shows up to interview Danny about Amazi-Girl Billie jumps Danny Joe walks in on Danny and Billie doing journalism Amber arrives at Danny's room during the journalism Amber tells Danny that Amazi-Girl beat up the dudes that were harassing him again Danny tells Joe that nothing happened Amber returns to her room angry Joyce, Dorothy, Sierra, Mary leave church; Sierra is shoeless (since 6th grade) Mary discovers that Dorothy is not a Christian "If evil weren't nice, nobody'd bother with it." (Mary is a B-word) Ethan despairs of finding a gay Jewish nerd Mike sarcastically suggests Ethan crawl back into the closet; Ethan runs with it non-ironically Ethan volunteers to go to church with Joyce Dorothy suggests that Ethan is gay For the next five minutes, Joe and Danny don't know each other Monkey Master shoots Dorothy in the head Dorothy goes to return Walky's Head Alien book, ends up watching D&MM with him Dorothy kisses Walky on the cheek Dorothy leaving Walky's room runs into Danny in the hall Amazi-Girl breaks into Billie and Sal's room, listens to the tape of journalism Billie walks in on Amazi-Girl, who escapes out the window Joyce and Sarah doing laundry Dorothy goes back to Walky's room and kisses him Mike introduces himself to Dorothy
Monday 2	The First Step Towards Recovery Joyce and Walky in math class; Walky denies Dorothy Sal did poorly on math quiz, confirms office hours with Jason Billie tells Joyce that Walky is into Dorothy Butt Taco Mike invites himself to Gender Studies Amber sits with Danny at lunch Sarah doesn't sit with Amber and Danny at lunch Sarah thinks Amber looks familiar; likes Dorothy for her emotionless robotic detachment Danny tells Amber he's interested in Amazi-Girl Billie's Amazi-Girl story runs (the 'y' is for "Yunru") Mike and Joyce discuss feminism Dorothy lets slip that she was with Walky the previous night Dorothy and Joyce are horrified by Roz talking about the party Leslie discusses the Muppets Leslie is missing the context Mike provides the context Leslie ejects Mike from Gender Studies; the true scope of his plan is revealed Dorothy announces that she likes Walky; Walky announces that he likes girls Daisy takes the Amazi-Girl story away from Billie Dorothy tells Joyce she likes Walky because he's made of caramel Joe tells Walky about Danny Dorothy fills Walky in on her Yale plans Joyce is sad because she thinks she's losing Dorothy to Walky, wants to believe there's a nicer part of Hell for Dorothy Mike's motivation Roz suggests Joyce get therapy (no, seriously) Danny tries to summon Amazi-Girl; first appearance: Bryan, Jim Sal finds Billie drunk and cheering Billie tries to kiss Sal Danny tries to get Tony to beat him up Amazi-Girl takes pity on him; she's always sounded like that, and also her hair has always been like that Amazi-Girl calls Wiggler; random hovertext Amazi-Girl and Danny play Mario Kart Time Keeps on Slippin' Timeskip, waiting for pajama jeans
Tuesday 2	Timeskip, waiting for pajama jeans
Wednesday 2	Timeskip, waiting for pajama jeans
Thursday 2	Timeskip, waiting for pajama jeans
Friday 2	Pajama jeans arrive! Joyce is curious about the box, wants to borrow Dorothy, and just wants tacos; this could not possibly be subtext (Joyce holding her wounded hand) Joe is unimpressed with Joyce's idea of "fun" Joe is also unimpressed with Danny's idea of "dating" Danny can beat Amazi-Girl at Mario Kart if she's beating up a purse snatcher at the same time Joyce is upset about Walky hogging all of Dorothy's time, Walky suggests she might want to watch next time they go to Smooch Town Ethan invites Joyce to hang out Sarah suggests that Ethan is gay Ethan shows Joyce Transformers Billie walks in on Walky changing his pants in the elevator Billie is still shipping Dotty/Walky Billie and Walky encounter Ruth Ruth and Billie blackmail each other, so romantic Ruth's dad is dead Joyce likes Transformers, except for the evolution propaganda Dorothy takes Amazi-Girl's picture; first appearance: Duncan Amazi-Girl deletes the photo Amazi-Girl promises to answer Dorothy's questions if she can catch her Dorothy is actually applying rational thought to the question of Amazi-Girl's identity Sarah confronts Ethan about his gaiety Dorothy visits Walky's room Touching Dorothy's breasts is allowed
Saturday 2	Saturday's All Right for Slighting Billie and Joyce wake Sarah with talking Billie is taking Joyce shopping, Sarah has reservations Sarah, Joyce, and Billie go shopping Billie... gets Dorothy and Walky together? Dorothy discovers the pajama jeans Walky and Dorothy break up Dina joins the shopping expedition with an Avalon reference Billie's parents give her money instead of love (she learned it from them!) Pajama jeans: JUST AS PLANNED Sarah and Dina hang while Joyce and Billie shop Dina and Sarah run into Raidah and posse; first appearance: Chan Joyce finds her boots Sarah hates people; Dina prefers dinosaurs because they're understandable Billie finds Joyce a sexier yellow dress; Joyce and Billie meet Raidah Sarah returns to find Raidah with Joyce Sarah punches Raidah Storytime with Aunt Sarah! Flashback to Sarah's freshman year; first appearance (in flashback): Dana Flashback: Sarah met Dana's friends; first appearance (in flashback): Carl Flashback: Dana's mother died of cancer Flashback: Sarah called Dana's father Joyce's solution to interpersonal dilemmas is to do the right thing; Billie's is lesbian makeouts Dina gets socialization advice from Amber, of all people Joyce Summary of the day is not as good as Dina Summary Dorothy tells Joyce that Walky broke up with her Joyce fixes it Dorothy has Walky strip, walks out Billie antagonizes Sarah about her handling of the Dana and Joyce/party situations
Week Three
Sunday 3	Strange Beerfellows Roomies! #1 homage Joyce takes Ethan to church Mike came too (and Sierra and Mary) Joyce calls Becky to tell her she's holding Ethan's hand in church; first appearance: Kaitlin Sarah apologizes to Raidah for hitting her Dina stares at Amber Ruth drops in on Billie for beer and TV Sal riding with Marcie Ruth is Canadian Why Mike went to church Joyce lets Ethan and Mike know that she hates homosexuality and lying Dorothy and Walky discuss D&MM Joyce and Ethan return from church, Joyce escalates contact levels to match Walky/Dorothy Dorothy plans to cast her body into the cragged shame pits of the lustwolves (title drop) Dina really likes cereal Amber ships Blackarachnia/Silverbolt Amber tells Dina about her ex coming out; Dina wants to be Saurornithoides mongoliensis Drunken Ruth leaves Billie's room ... and runs into Sal on the way out Walky arrives at Dorothy and Sierra's room Walky kicks his shoe off Dorothy has to beat Walky's pathetic attempt, almost hits Ruth Walky no habla "studying" Dina can tell that Amber's watching Danny Danny is meeting Amazi-Girl, some men are predisposed towards large posteriors Amber decides to meet Danny as herself, Danny "mistakes" her for Amazi-Girl Danny wants to be Lois Lane Amber takes Danny to Galasso's
Monday 3	Dorothy takes Walky to bed Joyce dreams Your Stupid Overconfidence Is Nostalgic (Book Three) If the Shoe Splits Dorothy has to get up for Intro To Logic at 8 AM Walky has no more shoes Dorothy comes up with a wacky plan to borrow Danny's shoes Mike gets involved Dorothy confesses to Danny that she's seeing Walky Dorothy has to talk to Danny alone Walky listens in Dorothy tells Danny she's not banging Walky... yet Danny tells Dorothy that he's dating Amazi-Girl Danny makes Dorothy choose between her ambition and her man Dorothy chooses Walky Joyce's ongoing battle with shower hair; Mandy gets a line! Joyce slips in the shower and dies, comic is over Amber might have stayed up all night reading Iron Man/Captain America slashfic Walky meets Mike, Joyce, and Sal for math, wearing Danny's shoes Billie's late for math Ruth trips Billie Ruth yanks Dina out of the elevator to make room for Billie Billie is unimpressed with Walky sleeping next to a girl Ethan meets Amber at breakfast, runs out to "meet a 'friend' for lunch" Sal confronts Jason about the quality of his tutoring Dorothy meets Walky and Joyce after class, smooches Walky, Joyce is jealous Sal kidnaps Jason past the group Ethan meets up with Joyce, hanky-panky is the only darn thing she's thinking about Sal drags Jason to his office, which is occupied Penny assumes Sal and Jason are there for banging; first appearance: Penny Penny and Jason were banging (or whatever they call it in Britain), Penny cedes the premises to Jason and Sal End of Leslie's class, Joe is hung over Pre-marital hankies-panky! (Calm your tits, Joyce.) Joe is secure enough in his manhood to own all the shoes he wants Dorothy and Walky abandon Joyce to go get Walky new shoes Sarah comes across Dina playing Jurassic Park on the dorm piano Dorothy and Walky at Target Walky picks out a Mac & Cheese T-shirt for Dorothy to wear Jason is still failing to learn Sal math Sal learns Jason some sex ed instead Billie hits on Joe, Joe chases after a cheerleader instead Ruth harasses Ethan and Joyce in the hall Billie breaks down, grabs Ruth, demands answers about their relationship, Ruth slams her against the wall Ruth kisses Billie Billie responds, then pushes Ruth away Ruth goes back to her room alone Joe is not sure what kind of threesome he had; Danny/Pepsi bottle OTP First Roomies! strip turned inside out Billie is still in shock; her situation is unintentionally similar to Sal's
Tuesday 3	Guess Who's Coming to Galasso's Joyce attempts toilet paper bath shoes Danny asks Amber for advice about dating Amazi-Girl Billie tells Daisy that Ruth kissed her; beginning of regular hovertext Billie inadvertantly puts the moves on Daisy Joyce and Ethan (and Dina apparently) go to Galasso's Joyce advocates Creationism in front of Dina Walky arrives at Galasso's, weighs in with his "dinosaurs aren't friggin' giant chickens" theory Joyce and Ethan both think Walky looks really nice Billie glares at Ruth's door Dorothy inadvertantly makes Billie feel guilty about shooting Ruth down; Dorothy is wearing the Mac & Cheese shirt Bitch shouldna shoved her. Dorothy arrives at Galasso's, smooches Walky, Joyce kisses Ethan in response; first appearance: Pamela Joyce flees to the bathroom Dorothy and Dina follow Joyce confesses to Dorothy Dorothy confesses to Joyce Dorothy tells Joyce about Tyler, aka "Loogie Boy" Hugs and bonding! Joyce may have gotten the wrong spin on the Wheel of Morality Sal and Marcie walk in on Billie drinking at 1 PM Billie and Sal talk about Ruth and Jason, respectively Pizza consumption methods (Walky is morally correct) Amber and Danny walk in on Ethan smooching his new girlfriend Amber confronts Ethan outside Ethan knows what keeps Amber busy Amber demands Ethan come out to Joyce Amber brings Ethan back; the party breaks up amongst Ethan/Danny compliments Ethan comes out to Joyce Joyce and Ethan have a proper first kiss ... because Joyce is going to try to turn him straight Ethan returns to his room, where his roommate Jacob is working out barely dressed; first appearance: Jacob Lightbulb is burned out in Dorothy's room; Walky could've been asking her to do stuff Amazi-Girl interrupts sign vandals Amazi-Girl kisses Danny, ropes him into helping clean the sign Amazi-Girl tells Danny that she was involved in a robbery Amazi-Girl and Danny make out by the street sign
Wednesday 3	Answers in Hennessy Dina, Joyce, and Sarah in line for flu shots Danny returns to the dorm, whistling; exchanges flirty comments with Ethan Danny tells Joe he's not-banging Amazi-Girl Mary spots Billie tossing her "Snapple" bottle hoard The trash chute is clogged, Billie fixes it Billie is so awesome that Agatha gets her to mediate between Grace and Mandy Becky has gone incommunicado; Joyce knows Sarah knows Joyce knows Ethan is gay Sarah warns Joyce that she'll lose Dorothy if Dorothy finds out that Joyce is trying to convert Ethan "You can shove 'em around if I get to make the noises!" Billie outs Mandy and Grace to Joyce, tells Joyce everyone tries it "i could crawl up into them and be safe and warm forever" Danny wants Amber to do her hair like Amazi-Girl Sal's math quiz makes her hair go kinky Sal is black; Walky is generically beige Joyce has the gay panic Sal and Jason's discussion about her grade turns into storeroom banging Joyce sorts out her biconfusion; Billie meets Ethan; Ethan's new hairstyle Amber and Danny at the comic store Joyce is being weird towards Dorothy; Dorothy notices Billie smells and sees booze coming from under Ruth's door Billie driven off trying to open Ruth's door by nosy neighbors, spots fire alarm Amber's phone alerts her of dorm fire alarms; Danny runs back to the dorm to see Amazi-Girl Billie boots Ruth's door Billie finds Ruth passed out drunk Ruth pukes in Billie's lap; Ruth's new eyes Billie tells Ruth about her DUI Danny makes it back to the dorm; Joe introduces him to Jacob Billie : Pot :: Ruth : Kettle; Ruth has Walky's shoes mounted on her wall Ruth tells Billie her parents were killed by a drunk driver Head cheerleader. Problem solver. Title drop. Sal/Jason banging aftermath Billie proposes cold turkey pact Gender Studies; Joe is late, Roz is arrogant, Jen Aside appears Becky is still not answering her phone Joyce is confused because all the atheists and homosexuals and other sinners she's met are wonderful Walky calls Joyce "crazy brainwashed", she runs off in tears Sal meets Marcie at the giraffe; First appearance: Hank the Giraffe Joyce meets Ethan for hugs and lavender fantasies Ruth informs Joyce of mandatory floor meeting Joyce meets Jacob, immediately ships him with Sarah Walky shows up to help introduce Joyce to D&MM Actually to apologize But also for the D&MM Joyce is converted to D&MMism Joyce makes it to the post-fire-alarm floor meeting Meaningful glances Freshman Family Weekend is coming Billie and Ruth after the meeting Ruth gives Billie a key to her room, agrees to the cold turkey pact Dorothy is cutting Joyce off so she can study, Walky too Timeskip, studying with Dorothy
Thursday 3	Timeskip, studying with Dorothy
Friday 3	Timeskip, studying with Dorothy
Saturday 3	Just Hangin' Out With My Family Freshman Family Weekend (the Keeners are here); First appearance: Deborah Keener, Jeremiah Keener Walky's hanging out Mike ambushes Walky with his parents; first appearance: Harriet Warner, George Warner Danny has not told his parents that Dorothy dumped him; first appearance: Sharon Wilcox, Randal Wilcox Danny finally breaks the news Danny tells his parents of but not about his new girlfriend Billie knows Sal is Amazi-Girl... unfortunately, Sal doesn't Billie checks in on Ruth's detoxing Ruth is suspicious of Billie's lack of detox symptoms "Game of Thrones!"; first appearance: Howard Ruth lays claim to Billie, warns Howard off Joyce levels up to D&MM TruFan™! Sarah and Joyce bond, Browns arrive; first appearance: ~~Joshua~~Jocelyne Sarah runs into Joe and father; first appearance: Richard Rosenthal Carol is okay with D&MM as long as only Jesus has the power Sarah wants to be adopted by the Saruyamas Dr. Dick finds Amber's mom, Faye and family cameo; first appearance: Stacy Brannon (O'Malley), Faye Whittaker (QC) Amber encounters Ethan's parents, Naomi blames Ethan's gaiety on Amber; first appearance: Naomi Siegal, Saul Siegal Browns and Keeners meet, Dorothy tells them she's an atheist Browns don't want Joyce hanging out with an atheist Joyce loves Dorothy because she's terrible at parties Hank prays passive-aggressively, Joyce's eyes are opening Howard and Ruth discuss Ruth's new sexuality Secret lesbian baby Blaine and Faz are in Amber's room; first appearance: Blaine O'Malley, Faz Walkerton parents discover that Walky has a girlfriend Walky's room, enter Sal in Avalon uniform Amber decks Blaine Amber flees, Blaine pursues, is intercepted by Reno and Ruth, first appearance: Reno Snow, Falyn Snow Ruth uses Taki's throw on Blaine, but Blaine escapes due to lesbian morning sickness Ruth sends Billie to tail Blaine, goes to find Amber herself Linda ignores Sal, Charles doesn't like her natural hair, Sal claims a hair appointment Walky contacts Dorothy and family, exit Sal, unnoticed Billie chases Blaine past Sal in Avalon uniform Deborah ships Dorothy/Walky sight unseen Amber is having red flashbacks to punching Blaine Red flashbacks to the robbery, after prom, and punching Blaine; Amazi-Girl's identity revealed! Ruth offers to talk to Amber, Amazi-Girl rail-grinds away Chase scenes converge on the lobby, Amber presents herself as Danny's girlfriend Asma has Blaine removed, Billie claims to be three ~~days~~ months sober, Faz is still inflicting himself on Dina Ethan hangs a lampshade on the "parents meeting SOs" thing Saul is totally closeted, Naomi cements the lead in F-bombs/appearance Browns and Siegals meet, Ethan ogles Joshua Ethan and Joshua hit it off, ignore Joyce; information about Brown siblings Billie, Ruth, and Howard go to the football game Robin and Roz are watching from the box Joshua figures out what's going on Joshua leaves Amber and Wilcoxen at Galasso's Danny's confession of love Billie resents not being with the cheerleaders Robin hangin' with Big Boss, shippin' Roz and Tony; first appearance: Riley Walkertons (sans Sal) in the fancy-pants lounge; Linda used to be married to Big Boss Keeners arrive in the fancy-pants lounge Danny friend-dumps Amber Amber gets Mrs. Warner hugs; so does everyone else who doesn't have a bat Mike's analysis: Amber shouldn't worry about being her mother, but about being her father; Stacy arrives just in time to save Mike's life Sal seems unhappy with how she's "supposed to" look Linda has plans for David, Deborah is supercool Howard heads back to Carmel Howard doesn't know Ruth's secrets; Billie was Ruth's first girlcrush Dina apparently uses rope traps to deal with her personal problems in this universe, too Browns and Siegals vs. Keeners and Walkertons: Showdown at Showalter Fountain! Joyce fires up her laser eyes Joshua almost walks in on aftermath of Joyce pwning their parents Ethan spots Joshua hiding behind the fountain, moves in to chat him up Joshua is not gay, but can tell that Ethan is ~~Joshua~~Jocelyne sends Ethan ~~his~~her URL Amazi-Girl stands Danny up Walky predicts that Joyce is a week away from going down on Dorothy Walky discovers Sal's straightened hair Sal tells Walky their parents are racist Joyce's Dexter hat might have demons after all Good Night, Montage: Walky and Dorothy texting, Amazi-Girl jumping around on rooftops, Joyce sleeping with Dexter doll, Billie drinking booze
Week Four
Sunday 4	Amazi-Girl Is Always Prepared For Anything (Book Four) The Only Dope For Me Is You Joyce awakens Sal, Sal chokes Joyce Joyce Comics "Motorcycles are for people who can say 'fuck'."; Ethan does not appear to recognize Sal Joyce goes on not-a-lunch-date with Dorothy Dina is getting better at reading Amber's emotions Dina is unhappy with who she is Ethan sees Amber teaching Dina sympathy via light physical contact; first non-appearance: Sensitive Scanner Amber is upset that everyone knows about Blaine ... and also about Ethan re-closeting himself Billie shows up to check on Ruth Ruth needs to talk with Amber, campus security caught Blaine trying to sneak in, Billie wants to tag-team her Ruth sewed the letters back on Billie's cheerleading outfit Billie rejects the fixed cheerleader outfit, runs out Billie encounters Mary sitting in the hall outside Mary & Roz's door ... because Riley is in the room, and Mary thinks she's a monster "Mom and Mark" are going to pick up Riley, Riley is pancereal Dorothy and Joyce join Sarah and Joe for lunch Sarah rejects Joe's advances, Joyce can't swear Joe offers Joyce money to swear Jacob joins the lunch, Danny drew a picture in 3rd grade of he and Joe holding hands while riding a dragon Dorothy departs, despite Joyce's desperate protest Danny meets Amber in passing, apologizes Danny approaches Billie about Amazi-Girl Billie points out Sal, tells Danny that Sal is Amazi-Girl Danny believes her, thus proving that he's too dumb to live Danny approaches Sal under the misapprehension that she's his girlfriend in disguise (out of disguise?) Danny cajoles Sal into borrowing his 3DS Sal calls Wiggler Danny's success in talking to Sal has Billie so depressed she wants to die or have lunch with Walky Walky lampshades Billie's tsundere relationship with him Walky catches a glare from Sal, decides to go get lunch with Billie after all, but then blows her off for Dorothy Dorothy has no time, Billie is next choice Riley and Dina bond over unfettered access to cereal Dina brings her new BFF over to meet Amber, who points out that she's like twelve Joyce makes Ethan publicly choose between having lunch with her or with Amber Ethan kisses Joyce at Amber Sarah almost outs Ethan to Jacob, but Joyce and Ethan warn her off, so she admits her own attraction instead Everyone but Ethan bails, leaving him open to Amber's wrath Joyce ships Sarah/Jacob; so does Sarah Amber confronts Ethan, flips the table Amber confronts Joyce, Sarah intervenes Amber breaks down because Ethan is faking it with Joyce rather than her Amber, fleeing the cafeteria in the midst of red flashback panels, finds Danny chatting up Sal Extended convenience store flashback Flashback: Sal, with a knife, in the same outfit present-day Sal is wearing, kicks over a display and declares a holdup Present Amber flees in tears; flashback Ethan drags Amber under cover Danny goes after Amber, leaves his DS with Sal Amazi-Girl is photographed bursting out of the dorm mostly-costumed; flashback Sal grabs Ethan; flashback knife Amazi-Girl arrives just in time to see Sal and Marcie taking off on Sal's bike Blaine intercepts Danny Billie and Walky talk about Sal and racist parents at lunch Billie is considering whether complications in life are really all that bad Joyce is projecting her issues with Ethan onto Sarah/Jacob Walky interrupts Dorothy's studying with flowers ... and Amazi-Girl photos Danny has lunch with Blaine Amazi-Girl ambushes a bike thief, is in turn ambushed by Dorothy and Walky Amazi-Girl dropped a shoe, USB cord, Tailgate, and Amazi-Condoms Amazi-chase scene! Amazi-Girl recovers Tailgate Amazi-Girl makes her escape by leaping off the library and ziplining down a power line onto the top of a moving truck Amazi-Girl salutes then flips off Dorothy; it starts raining Dorothy wants to know if they still have the Amazi-Condoms Dorothy and Walky run back to the dorm in the rain Blaine calls Amber (still on the truck in the rain) on Danny's phone Blaine tells Amber he's got Danny hostage, Amazi-Girl tells Blaine she'll be there Sierra needs to leave; cut to Slipshine Joe offers Sierra a sock and a pickup line Slipshine outtake Amazi-Girl arrives at the AAA parking lot Blaine doesn't recognize Amazi-Girl, Danny is too stupid to realize that he has in fact been kidnapped Blaine takes Danny hostage, fade to red Flashback Sal takes Ethan hostage, present Amber drop-kicks Blaine's face Amber beats the shit out of Blaine Flashback: convenience store aftermath, Amber breaks away from Blaine and grabs Sal's knife from a cop Present Danny pulls Amber off Blaine, flashback Amber stabs Sal in the hand Amber's mask slips, Danny recognizes her Back to post-coital Dorothy and Walky Amber's lights are on, but no one's home Back to the bridge, but Danny knows who he's talking to now Amber totally Batmans Danny with her pants down Billie returns to her room to find that Ruth has pinned an IU cheerleader's uniform to her bulletin board Billie kisses Ruth Ruth tastes the booze on Billie's tongue Billie in denial that her alcoholism is a problem, Ruth storms out in tears Sad Billie in dorm room Sierra? BAM! Weenus pointed! Dina provides Amber sympathy via light physical contact
Monday 4	I Was A Teenage Churchmouse Last night Joyce bought a sexy outfit for Sarah to attract Jacob with Joyce's hoodie dress does not strap on Hung-over Billie in goth hoodie dress, loses the scrunchy to look less like Joyce Sal drops an F-MIRV over the DS's battery dying Joyce dresses Sal, too Billie discovers Ruth has changed her locks Billie is cranky, Joyce guilt-trips her; first appearance: Squirrel Joyce wants to borrow a strap-on, she's like a size six Dorothy's alarm didn't go off Walky can miss classes whenever he wants! (Dorothy may have just realized she slept with the antichrist) Joyce, you magnificent bastard, I read your note Danny goes by Amber's room to talk to her, but is repelled by The Raptor Danny and Joe talk about love Everyone in hoodie dresses but Sarah Jacob insists Sarah sits with him Sarah and Jacob bond over making fun of Joyce "One day she's gonna snap and suck like a billion dicks." Danny is capable of recognizing Amazi-Girl in a newspaper photo after having her secret identity revealed to him Mandy and Grace think Amazi-Girl looks familiar, but can't believe that Amber could zip-line down a powerline onto a moving truck; also Grace thinks Billie and Ruthless have a thing Newspapers without comics are useless to Walky; first appearance: Malaya Daisy shows Dorothy the police report about Amber's assault on Blaine: Blaine says he was attacked by a large male, but witnesses saw two assailants, one in a cape Walky discovers Amazi-Girl's secret identity: Rose!; first appearance: Rose Sal got a 76 on her math assignment, Mike implies it's because she was blowing Jason Mike was just fishing Jason had another T.A. grade Sal's paper Amber is scared because her nemesis is out there, Dina recognizes Amber when she's Amazi-Girl Dina puts on the Amazi-Girl costume Ruth shows up to talk to Amber Ruth tells Amber that Blaine has been sneaking around and got his ribs broken, offers high-fives Ruth RAs in the hall, barely acknowledges Billie's existence; first appearance: door decorations Billie is maybe not happy about getting what she wanted weeks ago, Ruth can drop her poker face alone in her room Jacob and Sarah still bonding over Joyce stories Roz hits on Jacob Jacob doesn't want Roz, he wants a real relationship Joyce's hoodie dress and different hairstyle are to make her look more like Amber so Ethan will love her, but bringing up strap-ons just makes him bolt Walky discovers that girls don't get real pockets Walky lets slip to Joyce that he and Dorothy banged last night Joyce won't judge Dorothy for her PMHP, asks what it's like Sex is nothing like D&MM Dorothy is good with Walky bragging to Joe about banging her, because he refers to her as the future President Danny isn't sure whether talking to Ethan will upset Amber, so he talks to Sal instead Sal has no time for Danny's apologies, just wants the DS charger so she can pwn his records some more Sal trades math lessons for DS charging Amber panics upon seeing Sal waiting for the elevator, Sal doesn't notice Amazi-Girl, dressed up as Amber, climbs in Ethan's window to warn him about Sal Amber wears the mask so she won't be the same person when she faces Sal Leslie asks Roz about her sister Leslie arranges with Roz for Robin to visit the class again Joyce has noticed the similarities between Christianity and D&MM fandom Joyce brings up Hymmel the Hymnal and the Praise Kids Revue Joyce's horrific brainwashing celebration dance Joyce is going to fit showing Dorothy Hymmel in between her studying and banging Walky Walky performs a quickie Sarah doesn't want to tell Joyce what she talked to Jacob about (Joyce N. Brown, soooper genius) Dorothy tries to interview Danny about the Blaine assault, but he angrily refuses to tell her anything about Amazi-Girl Joyce wants everyone to pretend they don't remember the night she saw Amazi-Girl Joyce points Dorothy at Amber Dorothy realizes Amber is her suitemate, pops in to talk to her Amber hurls Tailgate out of sight Amber doesn't want to talk about Blaine, Dorothy accidentally spills the trash can containing the mate to Amazi-Girl's lost shoe Amazi-Girl joins the conversation Amber throws a chair, Dorothy lives next door to Amazi-Girl Joyce shows up with brainwashing materials; first appearance: Hymmel the Humming Hymnal Joyce googled sparkly rubber man-dangles on belts Amber spies Sal, Amazi-Girl is getting outed tomorrow, so she'll have to do "it" tonight Joyce realizes that Hymmel is terrible, Walky arrives; first appearance: Chastity Churchmouse Walky was a mouse boy Joyce blasphemes against Willis Dorothy proposes mindwipes all around for the whole Hymmel thing Dorothy believes in Joyce, more than Joyce is allowed to Walky flashes back to Linda picking him over Sal to be in the video
Tuesday 4	Up All Night To Get Vengeance Carla joins Sal, Marcie, and Malaya hanging in the Wal-Mart parking lot with a six-pack at 4 AM; first appearance: Carla Amazi-Girl arrives on the scene Malaya jumps Amazi-Girl, gets clotheslined for her trouble Sal's never lost a fair fight, Malaya may be down, but not out Dogpile on Amazi-Girl, who is still trying to provoke Sal to a fair fight; Sal isn't having it Goddamnit Malaya Marcie talks Sal into just leaving, Amazi-Girl just wants a do-over so she can get it right this time Billie is drunk outside Ruth's door, Amber helps her home rather than trying to provoke a fight, tells Billie that she's Amazi-Girl, but Billie doesn't think she's hot enough Billie insists Amber have Amazi-Girl check on Ruth Amber doesn't have a secret firepole or gyrocopter Mike claims to have sold Walky's D&MM DVDs Sal returns Joyce's shirt, Joyce is possibly too excited about this Joyce tries to be cool Sierra gets it Dorothy delivers Amber a copy of the IDS, there's nothing in it about the thing Dorothy can fix this with mindwipes, too Amber crashes Dina can be cool too Ruth defenestrates Joyce's cool gloves Joyce finds Sarah's toy Sarah returns from showering to find Joyce playing with her toy (not like that) Joyce and Sarah discuss masturbation and theology Joyce has lavender fantasies and crippling sexual repression in the shower Danny tells Joe he'll be tutoring Sal Ethan and Danny exchange innuendo, talk about Amber Danny knows, Ethan knows, they know that they know Danny and Ethan make a date for comics on Wednesday Walky stops by to see Sal, gets hung-over Billie Walky and Billie go to lunch together, Joyce is decorating her door so Sarah can draw a dingdong on it Billie is losing her stupid overconfidence, Ruth is best RA; first visual appearance: Ultra Car Danny is worried because Amber's not in class, Amber is having happy MMF threesome dreams Sarah doesn't approve of their door being kawaii Ethan wants Joyce to decorate his door, too Joyce wants Ethan to be more like the guy she married in the other universe Joyce probably isn't hearing what Leslie's actually saying Joyce wants to totally super make out with Ethan (just kidding) ((not kidding)) Jacob got glasses Joyce visits depressed Billie for sexy advice Danny shows up looking for Sal Joyce covers Danny's eyes so he doesn't see Sal's Mickey Mouse pajamas Billie and Joyce vacate the premises, Billie explains "booty calls" Dorothy volunteers at the community kitchen on Tuesdays and Thursdays Sal plays Mario Kart outside the lines Danny learns Sal some math Mike draws dingdongs on Joyce's whiteboard Dina educates Joyce on evolution, Mike takes advantage of her distraction Amazi-Girl meets Dorothy on her way home Amazi-Girl grants Dorothy an interview
Wednesday 4	The Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit The Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit strikes! Dingdong on Carla's whiteboard is a hate crime, dingdongs on everyone's whiteboard is hilarious; first appearance: other Rachel Joyce hams it up, Amazi-Girl laments the lameness of her rogues gallery Everyone fangirls Amazi-Girl Joyce is a very defensive Friend of Dorothy Carla wants to be accused Walky wakes up with Billie in his bed Billie won't talk, Walky gives up and is going to go to class Walky goes to Ruth for help with Billie Amazi-Girl jumps Mike; first appearance: Ken, Arnold Mike defeats Amazi-Girl with being totally into it Walky brings Ruth back to his room to talk to Billie Ruth needles Billie about being in Walky's bed (callback) Ruth tells Billie she's still not drinking, Billie is happy for a moment Billie's FAAACE is why Ruth hasn't drunk herself to death... yet Billie showers, thinks about what Ruth said Billie runs to Ruth's room, then reconsiders if she's helping Billie notices the dingdongs Danny is offended by Dorothy's Amazi-Girl interview running Daisy fantasizing about Dorothy/Amazi-Girl Walky runs off to check on Billie, isn't sure he should tell Joyce about it; Joyce is worried he knocked Dorothy up Billie meets them, Walky is freaked out by her lack of tsun Billie goes to lunch with Walky and Joyce, Walky doesn't know how to do appropriate Danny and Ethan meet up for their comic date, talk about Ambmazi-Girl and Danny's feelings Amazi-Girl interrupts Sarah telling Jacob more Joyce stories to question her Sarah hasn't got time for this nonsense, Jacob is a big fan Sarah isn't going to tell any more Joyce stories Amazi-Girl tries a new, more Joyce-friendly, approach to the interrogation Sarah suspects everyone on their floor, except maaaaybe Dorothy Joyce sees Billie's depression as an opportunity to bring her to Jesus Billie spots Alice in the cafeteria; first appearance: Alice Billie sits with Alice, is oblivious to the awkward Billie doesn't want to be the old Billie anymore Alice thought she loved Billie, cut her loose for her own safety, runs off in tears Billie horks on Walky's lunch Ethan tells Danny about his history with Amber, kind of glosses over the whole "and then I didn't bang her after prom 'cause I'm totally gay" thing Ethan and Danny flirt Ethan saves Danny from jumping into Carla Danny discovers his bisexuality Danny is not gay, neither is Ethan (Ethan is lying, Danny technically isn't) Walky doesn't want to talk to Dorothy about Billie and feelings and stuff Walky is wary of getting emotionally invested in someone who's going to leave him for Yale Ruth cockslaps Mary Ruth comes back to her room with a bottle, Billie has learned how to pick Ruth's locks Billie and Ruth make a sexy lesbian suicide pact Ethan and Danny comics-nerd-flirt Amazi-Girl follows up her leads, Grace and Mandy think she's Other Rachel Walky drops by Billie and Sal's room looking for Billie, telepathically apologizes to Sal Walky and Amazi-Girl meet in the hallway Walky lets Amazi-Girl investigate his and Mike's room, she finds a dry-erase marker; Danny returns to his room all biconfused, Amazi-Girl is lurking there Amazi-Girl is feeling good, puts the moves on Danny "Mask or no mask?" (Fade to Slipshine) Sarah's pretty sure Jacob hates her now, formally introduces Joyce to Other Jacob Sarah isn't bluffing Ruth wakes up with half-dressed Billie and an empty bottle Post-coital Danny and Amazi-Girl/Amber Amber tells Danny that Dorothy knows her secret, Amazi-Girl figures out the identity of the Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit Becky is still not answering her phone, Amazi-Girl accuses Joyce Joyce's breakdown is not about dingdongs, but about Gash Face's escape Joyce has been living in fear of Gash Face all this time, Amazi-Girl tries to comfort her Amazi-Girl and Joyce bond over shared emotional issues Amber drops by to help Joyce clean off the dingdongs Sierra doesn't believe that Joyce is the Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit, the Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit leaves her a dingdong Walky texts Billie, who is still passed out with Ruth
Thursday 4	Bedtime montage: Amber sleeping happily, Danny lying awake, Joyce in bed with her laptop, Walky texting Billie that he left his door unlocked Hey, Guess What, I'm A Lesbian! (Book Five) When Somebody Loved Me Flashback: five-year-old David, Jennifer, and Sally at the playground Flashback: Sally meets Marcie (who can talk) Flashback: Linda won't let Sally play on top of playsets, practices dramatic irony Marcie has joined Malaya's roller derby team, Sal tells Malaya to learn sign, Malaya discovers that Marcie's not also deaf Sal encounters Carla smoking out outside the dorm, tells her she should do roller derby Carla doesn't believe Sal can skate Sal is totally not worrying about Billie's continued absence Sal can skate Joyce is a morning person, Sarah is not Joyce is looking for Billie, Sal is gonna crash, Joyce is super-stalkery Joyce encounters Dorothy going out for a run Joyce tells Dorothy that Billie slept with Walky Joyce thinks it would be romantic to be friends with someone your whole life and then fall in love with them Joyce kicks the Mike open while Dorothy searches Walky's room Walky joins the search for Billie, who is facedown in Ruth's cleavage Ruth and Billie discuss their sexy lesbian suicide pact The party shows up at Ruth's room looking for Billie Billie wants to live in Ruth's room forever; Ruth promises to be with her until the end of everything Mary sees Billie leaving Ruth's room Back at Billie's room, Walky calls Billie, who is standing outside the door Billie is in looo-ooove Dorothy tells Walky she loves him Walky spikes the L-bomb Dorothy stalks off, Joyce runs away to bury her face in her pillow Joyce crawls into bed with Ethan Amber drops in on Danny before class, their interaction makes Joe suspicious Danny tries to make Amber into Amazi-Girl Joyce is torn between her beliefs and how nice it is to cuddle some beefcake ... and jealous of all her friends who have everything she's not allowed Ethan loves Joyce, but not like that Joyce returns to her room, asks for a sign or angel, finds Becky Joyce faces the hair-filled shower stall, for Becky Becky is jealous of Sarah getting to live with Joyce Sarah is suspicious of Becky's story Joyce shows Becky Sal, Carla, Mary, and Dina Billie is carrying a basket of clothes down the hall, Joyce introduces her and Becky Mary needles Billie about lesbianism Joyce is Billie's friend despite all her "mistakes", and love has solved all her problems forever Billie moves clothes into Ruth's room, tells Ruth that Mary knows Billie brought lingerie, Ruth's objections are invalid Ruth and Billie put on a show of hostility in the hall, but it kind of turns into foreplay Mary ain't buying it Walky comes to Billie for emergency relationship advice, Billie doesn't feel able to give it Becky defeats Walky at belching Becky and Walky team up to tease Joyce about her crush on Dorothy Joyce takes Becky away from Walky, encounters Joe instead, reconsiders Becky and Joyce take Walky to lunch Amber hacks Alex's print queue The worst part about Amber's secret identity is that she can't have Amazi-Girl's hair Amber invites Ethan to lunch with them; this is totally not awkward The inside of Ruth's head is not a cheery place Joyce, Walky, and Becky discuss his relationship with Dorothy at lunch Joyce is super upset about Walky throwing Dorothy's declaration of love back at her Becky knows how it hurts when your loved one goes off to the big-time college and leaves you alone Joyce hustles Becky away before Dorothy sees her Walky is woefully ill-equipped to talk to Dorothy about their relationship Walky tells Dorothy about Becky visiting, Dorothy has accepted that she loves an idiot Amber hopes Danny and Ethan will get along, probably isn't expecting the flirting Danny is disappointed that Ethan has a girlfriend, is very awkward sandwiched in between his two platonic friends for whom he has no sexual feelings Joyce and Becky montage Ethan and Amber hug and make up, Ethan thinks Danny is good for Amber Amber ships Ethan/Jacob Bille returns to Ruth's room to find Ruth in lingerie Ruth isn't sure how to be in lesbians with someone, fade to Slipshine Dorothy asks Amazi-Girl about the assault on Blaine, Amazi-Girl denies that it was her Becky likes IU better than Anderson, cites the naked clam fish woman Becky kisses Joyce Joyce rejects Becky, Becky runs out in tears Sarah returns with suspicions to find Joyce in shock Joyce goes after Becky, classes were canceled forever for Becky Becky got it on with Kaitlin, only regrets not locking the door Becky's father took her out of school to "fix" her, Becky ran away to Joyce; first appearance (in flashback): Ross MacIntyre Joyce's heart wins every time Joyce invites Becky to stay and be part of her family, tells Becky that Dorothy is an atheist Becky Summary of the day for Sarah Just a sleepover in defiance of their parents and maybe God, Becky is glad Joyce let IU change her after all
Friday 4	Three's a Crowd Amazi-Girl finds an incredibly weak guy trying to break into a car Amazi-Girl interrupts a potential rapist Amazi-Girl gets a cat out of a tree Danny dreams about Ethan, wakes to Amazi-Girl in his bed Dorothy arrives for jogging, finds Joyce sleeping with Becky, accuses her of cheating Dorothy promises not to tell Walky about Joyce sleeping with Becky, leaves them to go running Billie wakes up to find Ruth crying at her desk Ruth insists Billie go to class Joyce is trying to rules-lawyer the Bible to make Becky being a lesbian okay Joyce gives Becky clothes, sends her to the showers to window-shop Sarah recognizes the need for a long-term plan here; Joyce doesn't Danny is awkward in the showers, moreso with Ethan in a towel Joyce and Becky meet Walky and Mike before class, Becky dynamites the closet Joyce isn't okay with Becky advertising her lesbianism, Becky thinks scandalizing Joyce is hot Dina's Breakfast of Champions: Cereal and Mountain Dew Dina has figured out Amber's fetish Amazi-Girl is having sex, not Amber; Dina would like to try it someday, but needs to take notes Sal got an 83 in math, Walky's math quiz makes his hair go kinky Walky devours his 26 Sal tells off Jason for his crappy teaching Becky chases after Billie, Billie is not a lesbian, she just likes girls sometimes, Becky doesn't believe that's possible Becky guesses that maybe Billie has a secret girlfriend Joyce tells Becky about her research, Becky doesn't really appreciate it Becky wants to hang out with Billie instead of going to Gender Studies, Joyce lets slip that she's kissed a girl Billie gives Becky twenty bucks to go away Walky harasses Joyce, Joyce actually denies being a lesbian, Sal corrects Walky, Joyce wishes she could be lesbians with Sal Marcie, Malaya, and Carla show up together Marcie is teaching Malaya sign Sal doesn't approve Billie finds Ruth asleep, crawls into bed with her Jason seeks validation from Penny; this is a bad idea Penny is cynical about academia, banging Joe Sarah pushes Jacob away Dorothy joins the party for lunch, finds Mike feeding off everyone's despair Dorothy tries to open Walky up with hanky-panky Joyce tells Dorothy what "her best friend" has been up to Walky and Joyce fill Dorothy in, Joyce's phone rings Mike hails Satan Walky pacifies Joyce's mom Joe returns from banging Penny, Danny attempts to engage him in conversation about banging dudes Joe gets to Gender Studies late, discovers that being a lesbian isn't all scissoring Dorothy asking the smart questions; Leslie provides some of her own background, ugly facts about the church and the gay; Joyce is gosh-darned angry at the hanky-pankying church Roz is a total bongo to Joyce, won't shut up when Leslie tells her to Joyce leaves, Dorothy, Walky, and almost Joe go after her Leslie points out Roz's hypocrisy, Roz leaves too Outdoors for Joyce is a gantlet of Gash Faces Joyce runs into Ethan Joyce sends Ethan back to be with his own kind Joyce's new ex-boyfriend is going to escort her through the Gash Faces anyway Everyone goes to find Becky Joyce is inventing white-knight scenarios, Becky got a silly haircut Becky doesn't appreciate Joyce's taste in bony poindexters Joyce hasn't mentioned that she broke up with Ethan; Dorothy figures out what that whole "'my best friend' is dating a gay guy" thing was about Marcie's hanging with Malaya; Sal doesn't approve Marcie's not a student; she just followed Sal here Marcie bails on Sal, Carla has Sal pegged Dorothy has followed through on her promises of Mac & Cheese shirt hanky-panky Dorothy and Walky talk about love and Yale ... and Joyce and Ethan, whom Walky suggests is gay Walky wants to study, Dorothy doesn't; also up is down, black is white, and dogs and cats are living together Becky and Ethan chat about coming out Becky fires Ethan Ethan monologues in the hallway Dorothy and Walky come by to invite Joyce to dinner Dorothy offers to feed Becky; Becky is not super appreciative Joyce wants to stay friends with Ethan Billie's fake ID claims that she was born when I was in college Billie thinks drinking only half a bottle of whiskey is moderation; she and Ruth are both going to die of alcohol poisoning Dorothy has dragged everyone to McAwesome's sushi restaurant Joyce finally tells people she and Ethan broke up The Beckster gets on the scoreboard Jason finds Sal drinking alone The Walkerton alcohol tolerance is a multiversal constant Jason walks Sal home Jason completely misses the point Joyce and Becky return after watching D&MM in Walky's room; Sal is propped up in the hallway It will be less awkward in future if Becky showers while Joyce is changing Poor Becky sleeping next to, not with, the woman she loves
Saturday 4	The Butterflies Won't Fly Away Dorothy wakes up with Walky, and Mike taking blackmail photos Billie's wearing her girlfriend's jersey for everyone in the hall to see Becky tries to chat up Billie, Ruth accosts them Joyce's wardrobe hints pretty hard where Becky's staying, Joyce will get her new clothes Becky finds Joyce's blood-stained Velma sweater Billie taunts Ruth into hate-banging her Becky goes to borrow clothes from Billie, ends up borrowing Sal's instead Joyce tries to coax Ethan out of the closet, discovers that dude-smut is a thing Joyce tells Ethan about sex weirdos meet-and-greet Billie is thoroughly banged, still wearing Ruth's Leafs jersey Becky questioning her sexuality? The hell she is! Becky has not gotten the hang of this subterfuge thing Ruth concludes Joyce is questioning her sex weirdoness Ruth reclaims her Leafs jersey Joyce's mom calls again Joyce lies to her mom Walky is a studier ... or not Joyce learned how to be platonic lady friends from Becky, thus explaining why she pings everyone's gaydar Becky stumbles over Joyce's party trauma Sarah tells Becky about it Dorm party! Danny goes to Dorothy for advice about his sex weirdo problems Danny confesses his attraction to guys, Dorothy points out that bisexuality is a thing Dorothy is a Kinsey 0, Becky is like 24, 25 Becky unilaterally declares nemeses with Dorothy, invites her to the party Becky invites Dina and Amber to the party Becky mentions that Joyce and Ethan are broken up Becky runs into Billie Sarah explaining unrequited love to Joyce just makes Joyce mad at her Joyce uses Dana against Sarah Amber goes to talk to Ethan, Jacob is there Becky invites Ethan and Jacob to the party, Ethan tries to talk Amber into actually going Becky isn't sure Danny's acceptable, explicitly disinvites Joe Becky invites Mike if he can be nice (cue canned laughter) Becky invites Roz, Mary overhears Billie brings Ruth sustenance, tells her about the party Billie screws up, Ruth orders her to go to the party Dorothy and Walky arrive at the party Danny cannot handle being teased about his not-a-date with Ethan Ethan tells Danny he broke up with Joyce Ethan and Danny and Bille arrive at the party, Joyce has a present for Sarah The present is Jacob, Roz shows up, Sarah's present arrives with Raidah in tow Dina shows up for the awkward situation Confrontation, Raidah drags Jacob out, Sarah vows not to let her have him Sarah and Roz bail Raidah pours poison in Jacob's ear Billie spikes Walky's drink Danny can't handle hot-dude jokes, Dina can't handle all the facing Dina turns Ethan's hoodie into a hood Apples to Apples, Walky is buzzed Sal and Sarah chat in the half-bath Sal drops in for some Apples to Apples Ethan doesn't quite recognize Sal; Danny is oblivious Becky assists Dina with Apples to Apples Apples to Apples taunts Becky Sal takes off, Becky tries to get her to stay with offers of makeouts (though the undressing may not have been intended as an incentive) Amber's arrival saves Billie from having to play nerd games Joyce tells Billie Becky's secret, Walky is drunk Becky flirts with Dina Sal does not seem really committed to this whole "making friends with Malaya" thing Marcie breaks up the fight Marcie wants to bang Malaya Sal leaves Marcie to pursue Malaya Sarah comes out of the bathroom to find like half the party drunk ... including Dorothy ... and Danny, and Ethan, and of course Billie, who's everyone's generous supplier Becky is upset about people getting drunk at Joyce's party; people are upset about Becky considering putting the moves on Dina; Dina is upset about people being upset about Becky considering putting the moves on her; Dina kisses Becky Ruth crashes the party Parental censorship never bothered Becky anyway Ruth takes charge of movie-watching so she can hold hands with her girlfriend in the back Marcie hangs in Malaya's room, meets her awful roommate; first appearance: Lucy Marcie tries to initiate cuddles with an oblivious Malaya Marcie does not appreciate Lucy interrupting her attempts to cuddle Malaya Joyce thanks Ruth for coming to her party; Danny is discovering the drawbacks of dating a costumed vigilante Dorothy and Walky have fallen asleep in Joyce's room Revealing secrets while forgetting Dina's there Billie offers Becky her room, because she's moved in with her "boyfriend" Ruth can hold Billie's hand in the dark in her room, too Amazi-Girl doesn't want Danny drinking because then they can take him away from Amber
Week Five
Sunday 5	Walking With Dina Dina awakens with her mind full of dinosaurs and Becky Dina RRARRGGHGLs to hide that she found her internal monologue more interesting than Danny Amber thinks Dorothy made a mistake in dumping Danny, is uncomfortable with Walky, for some reason, and wants to make sure Danny knows he's only dating her alter ego Dina swaps her hat for a Tricera-Top™, sits with Sarah for breakfast Dina negotiates sitting next to Sarah in friendly silence as everyone's preferred option Sarah and Dina see Jacob and Raidah walking together, discuss their collective dislike for her Dina volunteers to use her l33t n1nj4 5k1llz to gather intelligence on Jacob and Raidah Dina chose the wrong hoodie for stalking prey Dina is confused about the whole "bases" thing, ducks into the Questioning meeting to avoid detection, is the ironic response to Joyce's comment to Ethan inviting one Dina had already figured out that Ethan was gay, anyway Bryan gets dialogue! As does Jim; Walky just came for the free pizza Ethan discovers that Walky (and Dorothy) already know that he's gay Galasso is providing the free gay pizza out of the goodness of his heart, not so he can eavesdrop for information Dina loans Ethan her hat Ethan bumps into Danny Danny enjoys engaging in the pageantry of tricking their bodies into believing an egg has been fertilized with Amber Danny and Ethan commiserate on this whole sex weirdo thing and whether Danny should tell Amber about it Dina needs answers, not questions; these may involve smooching Becky Joyce has issues with Dina kissing Becky because she's an evilutionist; Becky's father shows up Becky's father is looking for information leading to recapturing Becky; it is canon that his head looks like a toe Dina believes she is the best choice to lead Becky's father to her Dina totally saw Becky at the mall, also really likes Becky's father and being told her soul is in danger from dressing as a Pokeman; Becky's mother is dead; first appearance: Peter Dina puts Becky's father on a bus Dina reveals to Becky that she knows Becky's secrets; Becky's brain BSODs from the sheer cuteness of the Tricera-Top™ Plotting against butthole dad Sympathy via heavy physical contact Becky has a girlfriend, and she's a badass Dina breaks Joyce Joyce has a problem with Becky dating Dina because she's a non-Christian, not because she's a girl Dina reports her findings to Sarah, establishes that Sarah is actually only her second-favorite Sarah uses her evil for good, gets butthole dad's car towed; Becky is 18 Sarah accepts Joyce's apology in exchange for her ceasing her blubbering Sarah doesn't mean anything she tells Joyce as a compliment Sal is okay with the roommate switch because it rebels against authority Becky recharges Dina with dinosaur interest Dina and Becky are going to hold hands and look at dinosaurs; Amber thinks Amazi-Girl and Danny might like that, too Becky is corrupted with secular biology Dina is using her Tricera-Top™ for sexual display purposes Dina demands kisses Becky leaves Dina to sleep, with her mind full of dinosaurs and Becky
Monday 5	The Machinations Of My Revenge Will Be Cold, Swift, And Absolutely Ridiculous (Book Six) To Those Who'd Ground Me Joyce and Becky awaken Sal, Sal chokes Joyce and Becky Joyce and Becky are insufferable morning people; Sal isn't Sal fills Becky in on her background Joyce tries to recruit Sal to watch for butthole dad, is having relationship problems with Dorothy Dina has retrieved her hat; Joyce is surprisingly okay with adorable heartwarming lesbian smooches Dina comes out to her parents; Becky wants to go to Long John Silver's Billie is gratified that Ruth is still breathing Walky is concerned about Billie; Joyce is incredibly irritating Joyce is having shipping fantasies about her friends Sal shoos Becky and Dina away from her motorcycle Becky and Dina are going to run around like goofballs while everyone else is in class Mike offers to help (callback) Becky finds Dina's obsessions endearing Becky wants to find a job Jesus, Danny and Ethan, get a room already Danny wants to find Ethan a boyfriend so he isn't so available Danny wants to know if Joe knows any dudes for Ethan, won't identify him but will totally describe him in glowing terms Shortpacked!: DoA edition Ethan isn't sure Amazi-Girl can be trusted with Becky's secret, is gay again Amber is still jealous of Joyce Sarah targets Jacob Stepford Smiler Sarah terrifies Jacob No For some mysterious reason, Becky is having trouble finding unskilled work in a college town a month into the semester Sal is still doing okay in math, Walky is not Sal is unimpressed with Jason's congratulations, Walky is defensive about Jason's offer to help Mike knows Marcie is too tired to hang with Sal, Joyce wants to fill her spot Marcie bails, Dorothy's not available for lunch, Walky bails, leaving Joyce far from safety with only Sal Sal leaves, Joyce freaks, Sal notices and comes back Sal offers to escort Joyce to the fountain to meet Becky and Dina, wants Joyce to talk to someone about her issues Becky doesn't know her SSN; Dina is jealous of Joyce Dina offers Becky her phone Sal leaves Joyce at the fountain; Joyce ponders contacting Roll, Perfect Cinnamon (aka Dorothy); first appearance: Sayid Becky tempts fate, butthole dad spots them Becky and Dina flee into the woods, butthole dad pulls a gun Becky calls Joyce, apparently did not see the gun Dina ambushes butthole dad Butthole dad spots fleeing Becky Becky reaches Joyce at the fountain just in time for butthole dad to pull up in his car Butthole dad trumps Joyce's Bible verses with his gun Butthole dad fires his gun into the air, Becky agrees to go with him Joyce swears Amazi-Girl to the rescue! Amazi-Girl deputizes Sayid's skateboard Amazi-Girl poons the Buttmobile The cops respond! To where the action isn't anymore. Joyce deputizes Sal and her goddamned motorcycle Nothing more can hurt Joyce. Becky spots Amazi-Girl, fastens her seat belt Becky dials phone, engages butthole dad in exposition; despite the distraction, butthole dad spots Amazi-Girl Butthole dad swerves to shake Amazi-Girl loose; first appearance: Maggie Amazi-Girl lands in Maggie's windshield, butthole dad slaps Becky and makes death threats, while on an open line to 911 Amazi-Girl deputizes Maggie and the Willises' car Amazi-Girl leaps onto the roof of the Buttmobile, butthole dad abandons that whole "driving" thing to climb out the window to shoot her (no, seriously), Becky meets Amazi-Girl Amazi-Girl uses spike balls to take out a tire on the Buttmobile, kicks butthole dad's gun out of his hands Intimate contact with Dina has apparently caused Becky's arms to atrophy to little stubby T. rex arms, because she can't reach the steering wheel of a Ford Focus from the front passenger's seat, thus forcing Amazi-Girl to steer from the roof in order to avoid sliding into that one truck from Roomies!; first appearance: definitely that same truck driver dude as in Roomies! Amazi-Girl saves everyone else, but falls off the Buttmobile in front of the truck, Sal and Joyce defy physics to rescue her The Buttmobile rolls, Becky wants to ride that one again Joyce punches out butthole dad Becky has to restrain Joyce from sending butthole dad to Hell right here and now Amber wakes up alone in the woods with her arch-nemesis Amazi-Girl checks in, is not appreciative of Sal getting her away from the scene of the crime before the cops show up Sal is not appreciative of Amazi-Girl's origin angst, threatens to "end" her Dorothy arrives at the hospital, Joyce has an arm brace from punching butthole dad Dorothy apologizes to Joyce for drinking at her party, Becky is maybe okay with bony poindexters if it means she gets to be the other piece of bread in the Joyce sandwich (Joyce holding her wounded hand) Dina has used her elite ninja skills to get in Walky is bad at appropriate comments Becky goes to talk to her dad No dad, just butthole Exit Becky, stage left, flipping birds Carla finds Amber in the bathroom with broken glasses trying to treat Amazi-Girl's injuries Becky and posse arrive back at the dorm, induct Ethan into the conspiracy Dina gives Amber thanks and hugs Joyce is casually swearing now, Sarah makes good on Joe's offer Joyce draws a line in the sand in her mother's voicemail Joyce's mother calls back, echoes butthole dad's words Everything is broken
Tuesday 5	That Perfect Girl Timeskip
Wednesday 5	Timeskip
Thursday 5	Timeskip
Friday 5	Autumn makes Ruth wax angsty-teen-poetic Billie and Ruth being domestic and alcoholic, Billie is totally Ruth's P.A. now Billie and Ruth majoring in... DRAMA for public consumption, Billie suckers Ruth into having to actually hold required floor meeting Billie joins the crew headed for math, Becky has been back to Anderson to get her stuff Becky is devouring Dina's bio textbooks; Joyce Does Not Approve Joyce explains the fundamental conflict between evolution and her religious beliefs Dina gets on the scoreboard Walky gets all tsundere about Old Joyce, Billie drops the tsun Joyce is going home for the weekend, Becky offers to come with, copes with humor (Joyce looking at her (re)injured hand) Amber (not Amazi-Girl) practicing gymnastics, Danny (and hopefully no one else) sees her Amber explains why Amazi-Girl's okay without glasses Amber tries to distract Danny from inquiries about Amazi-Girl's activities with Cap/Bucky slashfic Danny offers his secret as bait, Amber bites Danny kisses Amber (not Amazi-Girl) Amber flies into a rage, cusses out Danny Amber flees amongst red flashbacks Mary is annoyed by Carla skating in the hallway Mary stomps glue into Carla's skates and the dorm carpet Sal wants to hang out with Joyce now Danny walks in on Ethan reading Amber's old slashfic Danny and Ethan read Amber's old slashfics together; this could not possibly become awkward It becomes awkward, who would have thunk? Danny actually gets around to the serious problem he came to talk to Ethan about Becky tells Dina her history with Chick-Fil-A Chick-Fil-A is hiring Dorothy is apparently now seriously considering taking Walky's suggestion that she bang Joyce in hopes it gets the old Joyce back Dorothy is uncertain of the ethicality of Becky working for Chick-Fil-A or Dina eating their dinosaurs Billie faceplants Ruth's shoulderblades Billie wants the manicures Leslie wants Roz to behave; also, to make googoo eyes at Roz's sister Leslie welcomes Joyce back to Gender Studies; Joe not so much Partner up! Dorothy/Walky, Roz/Jen Aside, Joyce and... Joe? Partners are a married couple! Joyce forcibly divorces Dorothy and Walky so she can be Mrs. Keener instead Walky is angling for RP XP, Joyce is looking for Biblical guidance Joyce's Biblical ideas of how a marriage works horrify Dorothy... but turns out it's okay because that stuff doesn't apply to lesbian marriages! Joyce wants to be a fighter pilot Joyce doesn't want Dorothy to change her any more (she's visiting her parents soon) Walky and Joe do not get to avoid being Leslie's Teachable Moment that easily Joyce texts Joe sympathy Couples therapy with three people: Amazi-Girl thinks Amber is the problem; Danny is used to being called a piece of shit Becky tries to thank Amazi-Girl, Amazi-Girl flees Mandy has gotten a palette switch, third floor Clark Wing has formed a conspiracy to hide Becky from Ruth Dina gives Sarah smiles, Sarah reciprocates with pessimism Leslie questions Joyce about Becky's circumstances, Joyce isn't comfortable telling her Carla can't skate because of glue, so she will hop outside Mary's door Mary is taking Carla to the boy's wing, Ruth swoops in all vengeful-like Mary blackmails Ruth with her relationship with Billie and Becky's presence in the dorm Carla is used to being acceptable losses Joyce knows that Walky's failing math Joyce tries to pressure Walky into getting tutoring, Walky tells Becky about that Joyce and Dorothy getting pretend-hitched thing Hank is here, quick pack dirty clothes to wash for free! Becky greets Hank Hank hugs Becky, is okay with her going home with them Who is driving Joyce is driving how can this be? Dina misses Becky already, Sarah absolutely definitely doesn't care, honest Dorothy engages in dramatic irony Ruth is trying to sanitize her room of all evidence of Billie's presence, including Billie herself Hank is jealous that Joyce got to punch butthole dad Ruth interrogates Billie about Becky living in the dorm Ruth breaks up with Billie, orders her to find another place for Becky Joyce arrives at the Brown residence, is ambushed by Snoop; first appearance: Snoop Carol is awful Becky is regretting coming back to LaPorte with Joyce; sad Dina in Becky's hoodie Billie is overjoyed to find out from Sal that she doesn't have to deal with the Becky situation for two whole days Carol tries to start a passive-aggressive fight, Becky parries with logic and reason Mary wants Ruth to open the floor meeting with a Real True Christian prayer Carla leads the prayer Agatha and Sierra troll Mary Joyce texting someone about her family issues, brings Becky into her room and closes the door despite Carol Ruth demands her room key back Billie has made dozens of copies, in like nine days; obsessive much, Billie? Billie alone in her bed with Becky's decor and Ruth's key, Ruth alone in her bed with an empty space and a Leafs poster
Saturday 5	When God Closes The Door Sarah is awakened by a hallucination of Joyce Neither Dina nor Sarah know how to interact with people like a normal human being; Dina knows how to interact with them like a Zhenyuanlong suni, however Sarah is sad that the world has broken Joyce, in accordance with prophecy Joyce overhears Carol talking about pulling her out of college Becky wakes up to find Anti-Joyce waiting by her bed with a plan to steal the parents' car Unfortunately, they're in La Porte; that weird tower from Joyce's dream makes an appearance in the ~~flesh~~stone Walky has a package, doesn't know Asma's name The big box contains medium-sized boxes for "David" and "Jennifer", and a little box for "Sally" ... also a little box for Dorothy You can tell Billie secretly likes Walky, because she hasn't killed him yet Joyce can't have nice things "Jennifer" got her favorite cookies; guilt-trips herself into giving some to Carla Billie tries to bargain more cookies for Carla's services; title drop Amber drops her laundry, Sal helps her pick it up Amber RSOD Amber runs off to find a phone booth, Danny invites Sal on a doing-his-girlfriend's-laundry date Sal wants to know why Danny hasn't stopped Amazi-Girl Amazi-Girl encounters Walky while standing on the rooftop, looking out over her campus Sal tells Danny that she saved Amazi-Girl's life Walky and Amazi-Girl share cookies and chat on the rooftop; Walky triggers Amazi-Girl's danger sense and she's not sure why Sal tries to talk Danny out of enabling Amazi-Girl Amber returns, happier, to find her laundry missing; Danny wants to talk, but Amber's got other ideas Jonathan calls Joyce to invite her and not Becky to lunch with him and Jocelyne; first appearance: Jonathan Ruth is talking in black speech bubbles, Carla scores free bonus cookies Ruth catches Carla shoving a cookie under the door, they chat about Ruth's problems Carla reports back to Billie, gets guilted into checking on Ruth regularly Joyce and Becky arrive for lunch, Joyce is texting someone while Becky makes Nazi jokes Jocelyne congratulates Becky on coming out, Joyce would have gone to India to meet Jonathan's wife Jonathan doesn't approve of Joyce punching out butthole dad, Jocelyne will give Becky any support she needs. ... short of identity theft Joyce is angry Jonathan rage-quits the lunch, drags Jocelyne along Jocelyne and Jonathan argue in the parking lot by Jonathan's church-corruption-provided Mustang Jocelyne returns Jocelyne recommends Joyce be more subtle Jocelyne proposes a new-family outing to rob Becky's house The waitress would know Ruth is sleeping with the gingersnaps, gets up and puts on her Roomies! outfit, but with the ponytail Billie gave her yesterday Walky delivers Dorothy's comparatively small box It's just a cash card; disturbing clinginess apparently runs in the Wilcox family Write a thank you note or talk about what's bothering him, Walky's worst dilemma Dorothy wants to take Sal out to dinner Malaya startles Sal awake to not deliver a message from Marcie Dina consults Sarah about the etiquette involved in dating someone with whom you can only communicate via texts about dinosaurs filtered through the religious fundamentalist who was her first love; there are several levels here where Sarah's just not gonna be any help Walky annoys Sal, invites her to dinner with Dorothy Amber gets her glasses fixed Amber returns to the dorm to find Danny and Sal together Amazi-Girl is not cool with Danny talking to Sal Danny suggests that Amazi-Girl take a break from being Amazi-Girl dumps Danny Sal picks the wrong time to talk to Danny about Amazi-Girl Ruth is allergic to being sociable Mandy has gone cyan; Mary thinks Ruth is just in this for the liberal brownie points somehow? Carla is welding her revenge Joe thinks Danny is broken because he's not trying to talk about his problems Carla takes measurements Ethan talks to Danny, contrary to Amber's instructions Dina is hanging out with Sarah, this is not at all because Sarah is lonely too Dina's horrifying Joyce imitation Dina passes her knowledge of sympathy through light physical contact on to Sarah Amazi-Girl is beating up backpack snatchers, Dorothy got pics Amazi-Girl lets Dorothy know that Danny is now their ex-boyfriend Danny confesses his attraction to Ethan, segues into being creepy as hell ... but they can't bang because Amber Ethan and Danny accidentally came out to Jacob Carla borrows Jennifer's box, whistles the 1812 Overture at Mary Mary tries to blackmail Ruth into stopping whatever Carla's up to Billie sends messages of concern by whiteboard Breaking and entering time! Also the Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit almost lets her secret identity slip Joyce channels her rage powers to kick in Becky's window Becky finds an empty house full of memories; first appearance: (memory) Bonnie MacIntyre Jocelyne has found Becky's SSN, Becky is finding ghosts of her mom Brown sisters have found Becky's birth certificate, Becky has found ten haircuts in cash, a granola bar, and feels Mary activates Carla's Rube Goldberg machine Mary grabs Jennifer's box from Carla, gets a pie to the face for her trouble Carla's machine just displays her name in lights Joyce and Becky drop Jocelyne off at her place, Joyce doesn't know how she got such a cool sister... or that she's got a sister at all Joyce is afraid of going to her house; she wants to go home Marcie wants Sal to join roller derby, Sal has enough Charisma to cast summon sycophant Amazi-Girl is stalking Sal, bent on vengeance Joyce and Becky's attempt to sneak in is foiled when they set off the dog trap, Hank tells Carol that Joyce asked to use the car Joyce has been texting with Joe about her problems
Week Six
Sunday 6	It All Returns Congresswoman DeSanto arrives in Bloomington with the dawn; Congressional Aide has a name Robin meets her campus minion and her army of slave bros; first appearances: Frieda, Dawson, Taylor, Tyler (no word on if this is the same Tyler that Dorothy gave disturbing new fetishes to) Robin as a Trump parody is a lot less funny in retrospect, and it wasn't real funny to begin with For some reason, Roz is trying to have a conversation with Mary Mary totally drew fanart of Ronald Reagan; first appearance: Ronnie Joyce is seeking guidance about church by texting Joe, for some reason Joe advises Joyce to go to church to avoid passive-aggression (he doesn't know, he's Jewish), Joyce says "shit" in front of her mom ... twice; Carol has ninja-dressified Becky Carla half-asses this "checking up on Ruthless" thing Billie is no longer the only Jennifer in the world, realism++; Joyce did not think this through Screw you, Marcus; first appearance: Marcus (screw him) Joyce and Becky are not getting the warm welcome Joyce hoped for; first appearance: Pastor Landrum, Youth Pastor Powers Hank overhears people talking about the girls Carla leaves food out for the R.A., Sal and Rachels harass her over it Billie gives Carla a key Carla enters the murder cave, finds Ruth with dot eyes sleeping with the gingersnaps Ruth is fine (I do not think that word means what she thinks it means) Butthole dad has ruined hymns for Joyce Amazi-Girl has sent Dina to return Danny's clothes, which she broke into his room to launder for him Dina returns Danny's things, and possibly not Danny's thing Hank finds Joyce in the solarium, Joyce has taken off her wrist brace (Joyce holding her wounded hand) Hank dads Joyce Becky responds to passive-aggressive criticism with passive-aggressive ritual cannibalism Hank and Joyce talk about moral flexibility Hank'll drive the getaway car, Becky magics herself out of that dress Billie is procrastinating a bit on that "where to put Becky up" thing Walky incites Ultra Car-related murder Carla and Walky have a big stupid fight about cartoons Billie arrives at the facile solution to Becky's housing problem that everyone in the comments has been taking for granted ever since Becky's problem became apparent, Sal immediately shoots it down Carla's parents (who are weirdly not Joe and Rachel) made her an Ultra Car toy, Walky is a moron Carla and Walky team up to get Dorothy Dina bars Ethan and Mike from Amber's room Mike's go-to is sleeping with the ex-boyfriend, Dorothy makes it to the safety of her room, Carla puts something together Walky gains entry through the half-bath using brazenness and non-canonical dinosaurs Dorothy defeats Walky by disabling the ladder God says Carla's right and Walky's wrong Dina bars Ethan entry because he has boring and/or non-dinosaur dinosaur preferences Amazi-Girl saving Becky has earned Amber Dina's loyalty Carla goes to check on Ruth again Billie's dad is awful, Billie is clueless, Sal is: \|: S: D8 :\| Carla summons Billie to do gross things to her girlfriend, Billie still thinks Sal is Amazi-Girl Carla physically hauls Billie's ass off to deal with Ruth, alerting the entire floor to the problem Mary is pissed because Carla broke her blackmail, Carla volunteers to cut everyone's Gordian knots Billie climbs into the spot in Ruth's bed that the gingersnaps have abandoned Walky runs towards the feels Ruth's been hanging on in hopes it'll make her grandfather nicer to Howard; Billie gives her hugs for later when she can feel them Mary frantically tries to spin the situation to her advantage, Walky isn't buying it Everyone else thinks Mary's awful, too Rachel has summoned the residence manager; first appearance: Chloe Dina is too excited about Becky's imminent return to show concern about Ruth going to the medical center Danny and Ethan are sickeningly cute at each other in front of Mike, their doom is sealed Ethan gets Mike to swear not to touch Danny, thus promoting himself to primary target Dina is the most adorkable horror movie monster Joyce and company hear about events while they were away, Becky is going to superglue herself to Dina Hank hints to Joyce about how Becky's mom died Walky is Billie's emergency contact Dina's elite ninja skills are insufficient to get Becky in to see Billie and Ruth too Joyce and Dorothy reunite in another waiting room Hank offers Joyce the choice between her new home and her old house, she chooses home Ruth is staying for observation, Billie is going home but has to come back to be therapied at every week, Becky is going to watch her forever so she never dies Hank is a good dad for Becky, too Chloe's acting R.A. until. Billie tells Carla off Billie stays alone in Ruth's bed Joyce is smiling, contrary to prophecy Walky lets Becky know she can have Billie's bed for the night; Hank is helping Becky get a bank account Leslie is totally not in any way there for the midnight DeSanto rally Joyce is not quite able to flip birds at Sarah yet Sarah hugs Joyce, proposes making things better Becky and Dina make it a group hug Sal harasses Marcie while she's working security at the DeSanto rally Leslie encounters Roz at the rally Marcie discusses her plans for if Malaya doesn't like girls Sal pulls Amazi-Girl off her perch Fight! Fight! ... Or not. Amazi-Girl is not comfortable with the people rooting for her, spots Gash Face Joyce in bed holding her wounded hand, Becky, Ruth, Billie lying awake in bed, Dina standing around awake; Sarah and Joyce agree to make things better
Monday 6	Just Put Down the Ukulele Only Then Can the Healing Begin (Book Seven) Glower Vacuum Flashback: Leland kicks Li'l Marcie into a ravine full of rubble, strongarms Li'l Walky into silence; first appearance (in flashback): Leland Flashback: School authorities blame Marcie for Leland's bullying Flashback: Sal strangles Leland Amazi-Girl takes a distant picture of Gash Face with the Amazi-Phone, walks away from the confrontation with Sal Amazi-Girl tells Sal what the deal is with Gash Face, sends the picture to Dorothy, demands everyone stop following Sal around and threatening her Dorothy confirms Gash Face's identity, Amazi-Girl calls Sal out for her hypocrisy Amazi-Girl confronts Gash Face Gash Face is a DeSanto intern, Amazi-Girl takes a close-up picture of him with the Amazi-Phone Gash Face attacks Amazi-Girl to stop her uploading the picture, Dawson and Taylor jump in to back him up Tyler jumps Amazi-Girl from behind, Sal leaps in to save her Gash Face runs off with the Amazi-Phone Amazi-Girl tells Frieda and everyone what her intern did, Jessica tells Amazi-Girl he got away with the Amazi-Phone; first appearance: Jessica Sal and Amazi-Girl give chase, Marcie is pissed Superhero chase through Robin's rehearsal, Amazi-Girl wants Sal's phone Gash Face calls for a getaway driver, gets an Amazi-Boot to the head Amazi-Girl tracked her phone with the Amazi-Phone Finder app she loaded on Sal's phone, recovers her phone while Sal restrains the villain, discovers that Gash Face deleted the photo, the getaway car arrives Bro riding shotgun in Gash Face's getaway car calls him "Ryan", getaway car gets away, go go Amazi-Girl roller skates Sal stops Amazi-Girl's weak attempt at pursuit Daylight is Amber time Dorothy wants to talk to Amber and/or Amazi-Girl Dorothy wants to know if she should publicize the picture of Gash Face or if that would cause Joyce problems, Amazi-Girl is not the brains of this operation Walky interrupts the conversation with his man hair, actually knows Amber's name apparently Dorothy attempts to ingratiate herself with her floormates, with documentation Joyce greets Sarah upon awakening with being a creepster Joyce wants Sarah to walk with her friends Becky wants alone time with Dina to indulge her developing scalp fetish The party assembles, Beckasaur is elsewhere doing some hat-eyeballing Billie has Ruth's jacket and anger Ruth's doctor bribes her to live with pudding; first appearance: Dr. Beverly Walky seems surprisingly unenthusiastic about the idea of Sarah killing Mike Basic math is for shameful embarrassments, Billie has been waiting for an opening the whole walk Sal had a weird night, Walky makes excuses and runs away Billie and Sarah friction Chloe shows up to visit Ruth in the hospital, Ruth tries to get her to say that she's fired Becky's "science" "education" traumatizes Dina Reginald, Duke of Thingley, trips over Becky and Dina; first appearance: Reginald, Duke of Thingley Sarah has a normal conversation with Jacob, this is possibly a nightmare Jacob chatters about Raidah, Sarah has the other kind of dream Ethan has been arguing Transformers on the Internet, Amber is hunting Pokémon Amber doesn't want to talk to Ethan about Amazi-Girl dumping Danny Dorothy runs through, Walky uses Ethan as cover Becky comes up with an insufficiently cunning gambit to see Dina without her hat Walky shows up in time to get his math homework from Joyce; Billie doesn't want Sal's sympathy and isn't codependent, shut up Marcie is pissed and avoiding Sal because Sal started a fight where she was securitying Joyce helps Sarah pretend she has friends Becky tries another hat gambit Mary taunts Happy Fun Billie Billie decks Mary Patriotic hat-removal gambits! Joyce attempts to connect with Joe in person, fails Leslie shows up for class with her Walkyverse wedding hairstyle and her blouse open down to her bra Joe is able to converse by text even when sitting next to Joyce; Leslie introduces Jillian and Holtzmann Leslie introduces Robin, too, why not Robin recognizes Jillian and Holtzmann apparently, because Jessica had a sign over her face all night at the rally Robin is awful, Joyce (of all people) calls her on it Leslie puts Jillian and Holtzmann away Dorothy starts to ask Robin about Gashface, Leslie interrupts by ejecting Robin, Congressional Aide gets demoted to "you" Ethan is yelling at people who are wrong on the Internet Billie does not have to cut through every person in the hospital like they're cardboard standees in order to see Ruth Ruth is luminous, and has pudding Dr. Beverly inadvertently makes "Jennifer" feel unneeded Leslie admits the Congresswoman-seduction plan to Dorothy Dorothy explains to Leslie why she was asking Robin about her interns Dina and Becky at Galasso's for pizza, job applications, and hat-checking-out; first appearance: Sydney Yus Becky tries actually telling Dina how hot her hat is Dina takes off her hat, doesn't explode Sydney perpetrates ~~super~~ petty villainy, Becky is not having it Galasso fires Sydney for inadequate villainy Becky volunteers for replacement minion Dorothy is campaigning for RA with spreadsheets Roz is campaigning for RA with obnoxiousness Sal's phone has no texts from Marcie, but does have an Amazi-Phone tracker app Robin takes advantage of Leslie's office hours ... and invites her out for a beer
Tuesday 6	Everything You've Ever Wanted Floats Above
Wednesday 6	The Thing I Was Before
Thursday 6	The 'Do' List Timeskip
Friday 6	Timeskip
Saturday 6	Danny is about playing the ukulele
	Up Here We Can Be Garbage (Book Eight) Face the Strange
	This is the Way that We Love
	Faz Is Great
	Of Mike and Men
	Now Let's Go Commit Something Mildly Subversive Which at Worst Will Serve as a Humanizing Anecdote and Not as Anything Truly Threatening to the Power Structures at Hand (Book Nine) Flyin' to the Red
	But the Sun Still Shines
	Sometimes the Sky Was So Far Away
	Vote for Robin
	Renounce Magical Thinking and Embrace Empirical Evidence (Book Ten) Birthday Pursuit
	To Remind You of My Love Amber and Walky don't have sex
	When it Crumbles
	Is a Song Forever? Everyone gathers on the rooftop for the season finale
October
October	Timeskip, October
November
November	Timeskip, November
December
December	Timeskip, December
January
January	Timeskip, January
Second Semester, Week One
Sunday 2.1	I Excised All My Anxieties into Cartoon Characters Who Definitely Don't Have Feelings For Each Other (Book Eleven) This Bright Millennium Joyce and Becky start the new semester Dorothy is back, too, and determined to be friends with her new roommate/nemesis Sal and Walky return ... but Sal's motorcycle doesn't Joyce is an atheist now; Sarah knows that Becky doesn't Becky is engaging in tired clichés; Ruth comes for the roommate agreements Ruth has murdered almost nobody Agatha's roommate is gone, Sierra has moved in with her and formed a polycule with Mandy and Grace Walky returns to a half-empty room, Lucy is maybe cyberstalking him a little Lucy is angling to be asked out, Walky is oblivious Walky's new roommate arrives; first appearance: Booster Booster is one of those douches who offers their amateur psychoanalysis of everyone they meet Dina ambushes Becky and drags her into her lair Becky has a scholarship, is going to be a political SCIENTIST Joe and Amber return; they are now step-siblings Joe and Danny do the first Roomies! gag again, but different Joe has Christmas opinions Walky introduces Joe and Hat Guy to Booster Walky and Booster meet Ruth; Ruth demands Walky or his corpse attend the floor meeting Walky introduces Carla and Meredith (apparently she's Bloodrose's roommate) and Mary and Carla again to Booster Booster meets Joyce and Sarah Joyce hijacks the introducing-Booster Joyce introduces Malaya and Walky's much cooler twin; Booster also has a twin Malaya transcends gender Joyce introduces Dina and Amber Amber is not okay with Mike being replaced Booster meets Dorothy and Becky Becky still thinks Joyce is keeping the God stuff; Booster is, of course, a psych major Everything the light touches is theirs, but not the end of the hallway Sal girl in snow (with guitar) Danny shows up with ukulele
Monday 2.1	Look Straight Ahead
Tuesday 2.1	See You in the Funny Page
Wednesday 2.1	Hompk!
Thursday 2.1	As Long As It's Free
Friday 2.1	Her Hugs are Traps (Book Twelve) Sister, Christian
Saturday 2.1	I'll Leave You A Phantom
Second Semester, Week Two
Sunday 2.2	Trial and Sarah
Monday 2.2	Don't Stop Billie-ving
Halloween flashback	This Was Halloween
Tuesday 2.2	My Peer Group's Smoochy Chart is Basically Now an Ouroboros (Book Thirteen) Bring Me to Life Drawing
Wednesday 2.2	Turning Saints Into the Sea
Thursday 2.2	Joementum
Friday 2.2	But Don't Give Yourself Away Joyce tells Joe she shouldn't do laundry with Dorothy anymore
Saturday 2.2	Reminding Myself That Despite What That Sign on the Highway Says, HELL ISN'T REAL (Book Fourteen) Everybody's Looking for Nothing
Second Semester, Week Three
Sunday 2.3	It's The Love I Haven't Got
Monday 2.3	Trystin' in the Wind
Tuesday 2.3	For Me It Was Tuesday
Wednesday 2.3	(Book Fifteen) Love Dares You To Change
Thursday 2.3	The One Where Jocelyne Returns Dorothy goes to Amber for help with eradicating Joyce's accidental sexts from the cloud, finds her working out in her room Amber suggests sending one back; Amazi-Girl disapproves, but Amber is a trash goblin who craves mess Dorothy takes a down-shirt pic for Joyce. As a joke. But it's not good enough. For a joke. So she gets Amber to help her take a better one. As a joke. Dorothy sends the photo. As a joke. lol Joyce shows Jocelyne her comic strip Future President Doris is definitely not a stand-in for any real person Joyce knows; Becky and Dina already knew about Jocelyne Hormones are turning Jocelyne bi, which freaks Becky out Joyce is upset that Dina knew before her, still getting used to new pronouns Saying the same things with a different tone Joe lets Jocelyne know that he kept her old art Dorothy's titty pic didn't go through, resend? Jennifer sends Joyce her own cleavage shot from Dorothy's phone Jennifer is in Read stalking Amazi-Girl Dorothy and Billie get like two inches from angry-kissing Jennifer runs into Ruth, is wrong about everything except Ruth's name Dorothy sneaks in to warn Amber about the lurking Jennifer, finds A-G's partially finished costume spread out on the floor, determines to finish it correctly Jennifer knocks on Sal's door to interrogate her about being Amazi-Girl Jocelyne is here for a sit-in protest, Joyce recognizes Jennifer's breasts on sight, but is confused why Dorothy sent them to her Protest in Dunn Meadow about the genocide in Bulmeria, this is not possibly relevant to any real-world thing at all Attack of the Incelerator! Not first appearance: Incelerator The Incelerator messes with Dina Nightguy to the rescue! ... or not. Maybe Amazi-Girl will have better luck The Incelerator's skates give him super-running-away powers The skirt puts the girl in Amazi-Girl; Dorothy totally doesn't have gifted kid burnout Dorothy meets Joyce's sister
Friday 2.3	Me And Who You Say I Was Yesterday Becky underestimates how much Dorothy knows about being into chicks, Becky is into Dina in a suit, Dorothy is into Amazi-Girl working out Joyce finally sees Dorothy's titty pic, grasps onto the first flimsy excuse to not delete it All of Dorothy's lines are bi-lines; also she maybe wants to hit Jennifer Dorothy teaches Joyce basic feminine hygenie with accidental innuendo Dorothy flashes back to twinsies sweater-vests Dorothy continues to have flashbacks: Fun (2017-08-31), Police (2011-10-24), Cross country (2020-05-23) Sarah meets Beef
	The Only Exception
	(Book Sixteen) Not-So Smooth Criminals
	I'm the Problem, It's Me
	Fools' Spring

This Campus Is A Friggin' Escher Print (Book One)

Move-In Day

Uphill From Here

Men are from Beck, Women are from Clark

The Bechdel Test

Media Rumble

Yesterday Was Thursday

The Cragged Shame Pits of the Lustwolves (Book Two)

Pajama Jeans

Choosing My Religion

The First Step Towards Recovery

Time Keeps on Slippin'

Saturday's All Right for Slighting

Strange Beerfellows

Your Stupid Overconfidence Is Nostalgic (Book Three)

If the Shoe Splits

Guess Who's Coming to Galasso's

Answers in Hennessy

Just Hangin' Out With My Family

Amazi-Girl Is Always Prepared For Anything (Book Four)

The Only Dope For Me Is You

I Was A Teenage Churchmouse

Up All Night To Get Vengeance

The Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit

Hey, Guess What, I'm A Lesbian! (Book Five)

When Somebody Loved Me

Three's a Crowd

The Butterflies Won't Fly Away

Walking With Dina

The Machinations Of My Revenge Will Be Cold, Swift, And Absolutely Ridiculous (Book Six)

To Those Who'd Ground Me

That Perfect Girl

When God Closes The Door

It All Returns

Just Put Down the Ukulele Only Then Can the Healing Begin (Book Seven)

Glower Vacuum

Everything You've Ever Wanted Floats Above

The Thing I Was Before

The 'Do' List

Up Here We Can Be Garbage (Book Eight)

Face the Strange

This is the Way that We Love

Faz Is Great

Of Mike and Men

Now Let's Go Commit Something Mildly Subversive Which at Worst Will Serve as a Humanizing Anecdote and Not as Anything Truly Threatening to the Power Structures at Hand (Book Nine)

Flyin' to the Red

But the Sun Still Shines

Sometimes the Sky Was So Far Away

Vote for Robin

Renounce Magical Thinking and Embrace Empirical Evidence (Book Ten)

Birthday Pursuit

To Remind You of My Love

When it Crumbles

Is a Song Forever?

I Excised All My Anxieties into Cartoon Characters Who Definitely Don't Have Feelings For Each Other (Book Eleven)

This Bright Millennium

Look Straight Ahead

See You in the Funny Page

Hompk!

As Long As It's Free

Her Hugs are Traps (Book Twelve)

Sister, Christian

I'll Leave You A Phantom

Trial and Sarah

Don't Stop Billie-ving

This Was Halloween

My Peer Group's Smoochy Chart is Basically Now an Ouroboros (Book Thirteen)

Bring Me to Life Drawing

Turning Saints Into the Sea

Joementum

But Don't Give Yourself Away

Reminding Myself That Despite What That Sign on the Highway Says, HELL ISN'T REAL (Book Fourteen)

Everybody's Looking for Nothing

It's The Love I Haven't Got

Trystin' in the Wind

For Me It Was Tuesday

(Book Fifteen)

Love Dares You To Change

The One Where Jocelyne Returns

Me And Who You Say I Was Yesterday